Missing my wife and kids..

I'm sitting all alone here in my hotel room , which will bear with me for the next 6 days. Sigh , it's been hours ago since I had played with my wife and kids , washed the car porch , washed the car , wash the aquarium filter and water the plants. My son was acting rather wierd when I started to pack my bags and put stuff in my car , told him to do his homework and be good while I'm gone.

Also told my daughter the same when I took her to the clinic this morning , probably down with contact dermatitis. The youngest one was hugging on to his milk bottle for dear life , as usual.

Things were totally different when I started the car engine . Eyes swelled , watery , and with little sobs from them , my son especially. Hmm , broke daddy's heart to see that but daddy can't show it in front of Mommy and everybody else . You will all be very close to Daddy's heart , wherever Daddy may be.Funny when I actually thought I'd be glad without all the tantrums and mischieves for a while when I'm actually not . I am sorry, honey, for letting you looking after the kids by yourself.

This hotel maybe streaming full of people , in and out . For now , it seems very empty and lonely to me .

Writer's block

ever had that frustrating day / feeling when you think you can do it but the mood and circumstances just doesnt favor you ?

i've been doing oncalls on every alternate day such that my kids are barely seeing me cept when i send and fetch them to school , and dinners would be a quick one if ever we manage to sit down and eat together. Plus , I've got to submit two chapters of my book for the editors to comment before they procced with any formal agreement.

I sincerely hope that I'm not biting more than I chew , and that things will and should fall into place once I get the ball rolling.

Baru balik Kedah last week , kenduri kawin anak Mak Teh. Best part was dapat salam dengan MB Kedah , very excited and still am about it.The trip was as usual , the tantrums in the car , the endless stops to the loo , the mad drivers and traffics plus the sucking toll stations , to and fro it was almost a 20 hr journey. Sib baik boleh gilir gilir driver , otherwise gerenti ada yang tido tepi jalan dulu.

Going to Penawar JB this weekend till whole of next week , harap my family boleh survive and aku pun boleh survive without them for a while.Anak nak periksa penggal , baby boy asyik dok tantrum ,..lets face it , every parents akan ada ups and downs. No point groaning and arguing , suck it up and just do it the best we can.

As for the book , kena tunggu jap , my son just had poo poo , gotta go for nappy change.

What a day,..

Dah nak tengah malam ni , body is tired but the mind simply cant sleep yet. 

Today was a very eventful day at work , I had an emergency call , a woman bleeding profusely after giving birth.And mind you , she did bled a lot.,I wont go through the details as its not very proper in a blog like this , summing it up she needed surgery to stop the bleeding.

Allah maha besar.Inspite of what we do , dont forget that we are only human beings, given the responsibilty to help others.I have tried everything as the standard treatment , but the bleeding just wouldn't stop. 

In the end , I had no choice but to remove her womb ( uterus ) as my last effort to save her . I do hope her husband understands , and that she too would take it well , if she makes through her ICU recovery in the next couple of days.Thanks to the team as a whole , I think we finally did something in the nick of time , as any longer this innocent baby may not have a mother to be around with. My thoughts and prayers for this lady , insyallah everyone. 

Now , if I could just find time for writing my book...

To need or to want ? That Is really the question

This time around, its about me and my buggy, yeah thats right , man and machine.(.plus the bank accounts and trying to keep a straight head about financing stuff , )

Once upon a time , there was this bloke who went to UK to get his further specialist training and prestigious membership.He left home , leaving behind a wife , daughter , family and an almost empty bank account inspite of selling his car , his KWSP , his life savings ( whatever little he had ). Only thing that he had was his ambition of trying to make a better man of himself and to better provide for his family in future. Jobless for 3 months before finaly getting a job as junior inspite of 6 years working experience , and skills that would put most junior consultants to shame.Never telling the whole truth to his loved ones , He managed to survive on bread , the occasional cheap rice , last minute sales of almost expired foodstuffs at Tesco's and lost 10 kgs before getting his first salary. It doesnt end there , as downgrading oneself and trying to fit in the system and the people was extmely testing his will.

Some how , Allah willing , things got better and better . Managed to get his degree after strong hardship and perseverance , got a better salary post and was in the good books of everyone eventually.

Thats when he decided to reward himself by getting a reasonably good buggy , ( tak kira laa 2nd hand pun ) , and brought back home for everyone to enjoy too. 

tenby, beautiful place 2005

local market 2005

london 2005

london 2005

my crammy hostel room 2004

its worth all the suffering to get this far, 2005

Its no brainer that the poor bugger up there is me , but what I wanted to  point out is that , this car means more than just a car to me. It reminds me of my life journey , how everyone was affected , good or bad.Yes , there have been times when my ride troubles me with the repair and maintenance , ( baru last week merengek lagi , radiaotor leaking with needed crankshaft oil seal ) but its still my car , up and running.

I dont have car mortgage anymore , only spent 1/3 of what people pay per year for their shiny new car , and can save up for other important things in life. And hey , I dont have any gross price depreciation unlike others, and not paying 2.9-3.1% interest on the loan itself. In fact , I think I'm in better financial position to prepare myself for my old age , insyallah .

So why cant people understand , even those closest to me , this car is not running on its last gas yet .It gets me places , send the kids to school ,  takes me to the local market , protects me from the sun and rain.I can save for other things , and perfectly happy with what I have now . No worries black beauty , tomorrow you're getting some new cushions and carpets for Hari Raya :) , I'll take good care of you.And thats that.

Peace everyone.