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initial screw up in life ,alhamdulillah had a second chance , made full use of it and now living it to the fullest with my loved ones

Monday, November 8, 2010

Cold coffee anyone ..?

Unjii ' cold coffee' kudhi .. ? Ais jasti bedhaa , milk salpa salpa... literallly means " one cold coffee please , not too much ice , just a little bit of milk..Ahhh that reminds me of my medical student days , huddled in one corner at the crampy hostel canteen , with my comfort drink whenever I get stressed up with exams or anything else for that matter . I swear nowhere else can you get the best cold coffee day or night , cost only 2 rupees then. 

Similiarly now , after a long day , the kids sleeping , a long operating list awaits me tomorrow , and I find myself going back to the same place , longing for that addictive taste.More so with my machas , tall dark and handsome Mr Slurrpee Greasy , Kiasu Chinaman , Mr Midget the Bean , Mr Tiger , and Muhilaaaaa ( names are intentionally changed daa , less they somehow find this post and start revealing my skeletons. ha ha ..) and me. Hey , we were pretty much 1 Malaysia already back then. Talking bout home cooked food , gym stuff , Gladrags , amoi's ( there was one in particular ha ha , sorry Mr Slurrpee ) , bikes , and what lies in store for us in future. Fast forward that 13-14 yrs to present day , and hey presto ... we didn't so bad after all. In fact not bad at all.We still are close machas till now , although each with our own commitments . Give us a day and each of us will automatically transform into that young studds again , I'm sure. Minus the extra bellies  and spare tires ,of course , :)

My kids are about to have their school play rehearsal soon, daughter doing her choral speaking , son struting his stuff on the stage too. Dad about to have his cataract operation soon after that , and I have to sort a few things for my siblings as well. Seeing my parents last weekend was the best thing so far for this year end , as we managed to catch up on a lot of things , esp my mom.  Dad ,is as usual with his quiet ways just like me , but deep down we know each other well enough that things rarely need be said. Those white hairs are everywhere now , and physically getting slower , but the love remains if not stronger. 

We all had a dinner outing that night , my treat . Very happy to see Dad enjoying his Lamb chop , Mum with chicken chop and everything western the kids and wife would like to have . Me , I had my cold coffee , enjoying my beef steak , but subconciously aware that these may be the few rare happy moments that I can cherish with them . I am afraid of losing them , as I am what they made me of today . Moga dipanjangkan umur , murah rezeki , sihat tubuh badan dan akal fikiran , Insyallah , Amin Ya Rabbil Alamin.Mum and Dad , we love you much.
Macha !!! Unji Cold Coffee kudhi , bega maree , beggaa begga. 
Desperately need one now.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Missing my wife and kids..

I'm sitting all alone here in my hotel room , which will bear with me for the next 6 days. Sigh , it's been hours ago since I had played with my wife and kids , washed the car porch , washed the car , wash the aquarium filter and water the plants. My son was acting rather wierd when I started to pack my bags and put stuff in my car , told him to do his homework and be good while I'm gone.

Also told my daughter the same when I took her to the clinic this morning , probably down with contact dermatitis. The youngest one was hugging on to his milk bottle for dear life , as usual.

Things were totally different when I started the car engine . Eyes swelled , watery , and with little sobs from them , my son especially. Hmm , broke daddy's heart to see that but daddy can't show it in front of Mommy and everybody else . You will all be very close to Daddy's heart , wherever Daddy may be.Funny when I actually thought I'd be glad without all the tantrums and mischieves for a while when I'm actually not . I am sorry, honey, for letting you looking after the kids by yourself.

This hotel maybe streaming full of people , in and out . For now , it seems very empty and lonely to me .

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Writer's block

ever had that frustrating day / feeling when you think you can do it but the mood and circumstances just doesnt favor you ?

i've been doing oncalls on every alternate day such that my kids are barely seeing me cept when i send and fetch them to school , and dinners would be a quick one if ever we manage to sit down and eat together. Plus , I've got to submit two chapters of my book for the editors to comment before they procced with any formal agreement.

I sincerely hope that I'm not biting more than I chew , and that things will and should fall into place once I get the ball rolling.
Baru balik Kedah last week , kenduri kawin anak Mak Teh. Best part was dapat salam dengan MB Kedah , very excited and still am about it.The trip was as usual , the tantrums in the car , the endless stops to the loo , the mad drivers and traffics plus the sucking toll stations , to and fro it was almost a 20 hr journey. Sib baik boleh gilir gilir driver , otherwise gerenti ada yang tido tepi jalan dulu.

Going to Penawar JB this weekend till whole of next week , harap my family boleh survive and aku pun boleh survive without them for a while.Anak nak periksa penggal , baby boy asyik dok tantrum ,..lets face it , every parents akan ada ups and downs. No point groaning and arguing , suck it up and just do it the best we can.
As for the book , kena tunggu jap , my son just had poo poo , gotta go for nappy change.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

What a day,..

Dah nak tengah malam ni , body is tired but the mind simply cant sleep yet. 

Today was a very eventful day at work , I had an emergency call , a woman bleeding profusely after giving birth.And mind you , she did bled a lot.,I wont go through the details as its not very proper in a blog like this , summing it up she needed surgery to stop the bleeding.

Allah maha besar.Inspite of what we do , dont forget that we are only human beings, given the responsibilty to help others.I have tried everything as the standard treatment , but the bleeding just wouldn't stop. 

In the end , I had no choice but to remove her womb ( uterus ) as my last effort to save her . I do hope her husband understands , and that she too would take it well , if she makes through her ICU recovery in the next couple of days.Thanks to the team as a whole , I think we finally did something in the nick of time , as any longer this innocent baby may not have a mother to be around with. My thoughts and prayers for this lady , insyallah everyone. 

Now , if I could just find time for writing my book...

Friday, October 1, 2010

To need or to want ? That Is really the question

This time around, its about me and my buggy, yeah thats right , man and machine.(.plus the bank accounts and trying to keep a straight head about financing stuff , )
Once upon a time , there was this bloke who went to UK to get his further specialist training and prestigious membership.He left home , leaving behind a wife , daughter , family and an almost empty bank account inspite of selling his car , his KWSP , his life savings ( whatever little he had ). Only thing that he had was his ambition of trying to make a better man of himself and to better provide for his family in future. Jobless for 3 months before finaly getting a job as junior inspite of 6 years working experience , and skills that would put most junior consultants to shame.Never telling the whole truth to his loved ones , He managed to survive on bread , the occasional cheap rice , last minute sales of almost expired foodstuffs at Tesco's and lost 10 kgs before getting his first salary. It doesnt end there , as downgrading oneself and trying to fit in the system and the people was extmely testing his will.
Some how , Allah willing , things got better and better . Managed to get his degree after strong hardship and perseverance , got a better salary post and was in the good books of everyone eventually.
Thats when he decided to reward himself by getting a reasonably good buggy , ( tak kira laa 2nd hand pun ) , and brought back home for everyone to enjoy too. 
tenby, beautiful place 2005


local market 2005

london 2005

london 2005

my crammy hostel room 2004

its worth all the suffering to get this far, 2005
Its no brainer that the poor bugger up there is me , but what I wanted to  point out is that , this car means more than just a car to me. It reminds me of my life journey , how everyone was affected , good or bad.Yes , there have been times when my ride troubles me with the repair and maintenance , ( baru last week merengek lagi , radiaotor leaking with needed crankshaft oil seal ) but its still my car , up and running.
I dont have car mortgage anymore , only spent 1/3 of what people pay per year for their shiny new car , and can save up for other important things in life. And hey , I dont have any gross price depreciation unlike others, and not paying 2.9-3.1% interest on the loan itself. In fact , I think I'm in better financial position to prepare myself for my old age , insyallah .
So why cant people understand , even those closest to me , this car is not running on its last gas yet .It gets me places , send the kids to school ,  takes me to the local market , protects me from the sun and rain.I can save for other things , and perfectly happy with what I have now . No worries black beauty , tomorrow you're getting some new cushions and carpets for Hari Raya :) , I'll take good care of you.And thats that.
Peace everyone.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

its been a long week, folks...



Finally have sometime to jot something down here.Mana taknye , asyik dok ulang alik spital , keje , rumah , sekolah , endless. But I enjoy it somehow.In actual fact , I have just finished my presentation for a public forum due next week , this time on cancer and women.Its a challenge allright to concise everything down to plain simple laymans term , and I think I did a reasonable job ..( minus the Manglish here and there , plus melayuisation of certain terms :)

Now thats sorted , time to think about the manuscript for my book.A big thank you to my dear friend who suggested some ideas on that , you know who you are :)
Will probably start on it within this month after submitting it to the publisher.Never in my life that I thought I would come to this stage of actually writing one.Lots of my friends ask me , why are you staying on in the health service and not on the supposedly greener side of place , not to mention the offers too.!!

inspite of the stickies , I still forget some of them

Its messy , I know..
As you can see , my small clinic office is never grand in any way , full of papers and people coming in and out.A creaky black swivel chair which gives you a heart attack everytime you lean backwards , and a self decorated table of a least 12-15 years old. But what makes it all first class facility are the patient themselves.Kita ni kuli jer , never should think of ourselves as holier than thow. Working with limitations , and yet patients being grateful for whatever small things that I do , thats satisfaction in itself.

What really made my day  , hang on ,.. its here , and I will share with you.




I am peace..., knowing that at least I've done my small part for them.,, Hang on , errr , I'll be more at peace if I can have that bike for real , ha ha.
Good night folks , plan to go for a jogging session tomorrow morning.

Monday, September 20, 2010

This is a wild one....

they say good things happen to those who wait , totally agree with that. My wild jungle orchid has finally flowered , after 8 months of waiting , and to think that my wife actually wanted to throw it away because she thought it was dead already. Apply this in real life , never give up hope even though you may think that its already the end of the world , never underestimate nor prejudge a person until you really get to know him /her .
Wahhhh, ,very deep aa tonight..

Actually just plain happy that my orchid has flowered after much TLC , ( p/s : dont know all the scientific details of it , only appreaciating nature at its best.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Deeply touched..

Hello again everyone ,
Being oncall , working over the weekend has its perks and disadvantages , but I'm not complaining as it is what I do. But what made me wrote the heading above tonight is something which I will cherish the rest of my life. To put it in brief , we ( me and a senior colleague ) did a major operation for an elderly lady few weeks back , she had early cancer.Her social life would put any dramas or sob stories to shame , and whatever little material things and heartaches she has is hers alone , left for good by the husband , kids and with no families.Barely surviving on welfare and washing dishes at the age of midfifties , I'm sure you all can imagine the kind of predicament she's in.

She did well following the surgery , and I am due to see her in a couple of weeks time.Imagine my surprise  , when my nursing staff tells me that this kind patient ,cooked her kampung reared chicken , made chicken rendang complete with ketupat , had her neighbour took her to the hospital ward , waited for me , and gave me a huge portion of the food , and had separate portions for the staff as well. It was unfortunate that I missed her and that she had left .She may be gone but her sincerity and simple gesture left me speechless , for no words can describe how I am deeply touched by her kindness. She has very little , and yet she gave so much .To makcik R------- , I thank you from the bottom of my heart , and as I'm typing away  , trying very hard to choke back my tears , being humbled by such act.
Chicken rendang : priceless

To me , this is a very very special chicken rendang , with very special ingredients , from a very special person.
Selamat Hari Raya , makcik R-----, insyallah kita jumpa lagi.Maafkan salah dan silap saya , dan semoga Allah membalas segala budi baik makcik.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Good news ?..


another half an hour before midnight , and my son looks up at me and say , Dad, I'm hungry,...and off we go hunting for food in the freezer.Nasib baik ada udang goreng kunyit and some ayam paprik leftover from lunch.Itupun gua masak extra sebab dah anticipate my son's odd behaviour.
After that nak teh susu pulak,... hmm taruh sajalah..

Yours truly received a call today from an interested publisher wanting to know bout my future book,.. writing a scientific paper is one thing , writing a medical book in laymans term is another !.. Which brings me to my main topic , what do women really want and need to know about their womanly stuff and disease condition ? Seeing too much of woman / girlie magazine dishing out garbage facts about their wellbeing , and by the time they come and see me , its a gigantic task to undo what has been done.

Aiyoo , please lah you women out there , dont risk your health based on " orang ni kata ,/ makcik ni cakap / sedara saya kata / nenek tipah tak bagi / bidan suruh pantang ..." the list is endless..if you have lump in your tummy as big as a watermelon , no amount of 'urut'ing can do a Copperfield act and make it go away , like wise I am still very much puzzled how traditional midwife has the magic to urut your womb while it remains very much a pelvic organ in the first place. Hmmm , sorry , gua dah melalut sekejap.

Also received an offer for overseas training course and exposure for next month , sounds good isnt ? But definitely will have to sort out a few things first.So many things to do , so little time. But hey , if Obama can write a book for his daughters and run the country as well , no reason why I cant do more than what I'm doing now.

Any women out there reading my ramblings here , you may suggest what do you particularly want to know about your health / disease .. guys are welcome too..dont shy shy aa...
good night 1 Malaysia.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Back from " balik kampung "

it has been a while , and honestly , I'm beat from all the travelling and running around for the past 1 week.Apa-apa hal pun malam ni rest dulu , karang sambung balik , my version of balik kampung as I'm sure you must have yours.Nanti gua sambung lagi..., just in case any of you guys can help me out , how come the google adsense always keeps deactivating my account inspite of me letting them put up their adds, huh ?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

last bersahur

errrkk, alhamdulillah kenyang bersahur , aku jenis makan lebih kurang je , biskut cicah kuah kari pun ok , takdehal.Sementara tunggu solat subuh , just checking up on my pet project here. Wifey tengah packing baju budak budak nak balik raya , including hers as well. Some how , this reminds me of my childhood days , where all things raya centres around baju raya, duit raya , and berjalan sana sini. Almost reaching my fourties now, i can see a reflection of that in my kids , inspite of the hardship our parents can still give us a big smile and make our raya no less than other people.Mum and dad , if I havent said it before , I'm gonna say it again.Thank you for everything , and we love you very much.
selamat hari raya

Last day keje and oncall , moga dipermudahkan segalanya.Cioaw babeh.
Wassalam
mum
dad

testing , testing, ..choba try test kaluu

Salam to all.
Hey guys and gals , whats up ? Lama dah sebenarnya hajat nak berblogging ni , finally ada kesempatan nak buat semua ni. Berkat bulan Ramadan , ? Insyaa'llah depending on how we use it . Ada lebih kurang 2 hari lagi before raya , some say esok ,some say tomorow.
For me , I'll be missing Ramadan more rather than looking forward to Eidul Fitri , 1 Syawal .Bila lagi nak berjumpa ...Dah mantap ka amalan kita di bulan yang penuh barakah ni ? To be honest , I know I haven't , at least I feel I have yet to fully maximise my deeds for present , future , and the after life . Member member semua dah blah balik  kampung . Aku , missus , anak anak , bibik , kuching , ikan ikan still very much kat Muar lagi . Raya pertama lepas solat baru balik , demi tugas / tanggung jawab , kena terima ajelah. No regrets, 13 yrs and very much going strong in the service , alhamdulillah.
Mak , ayah , mama , baba , maafkan kami tak dapat pulang untuk bersama sama menyahut takbir raya hari pertama , insyallah dapat jumpa slepas tu. Bila , berapa lama and bla bla blaa tu lain citer. Selamat pegi selamat Pulang , amin.
Since this is my first post , korang jangan la ganas ganas kutuk ek , kasik tunjuk ajar sama gua camana nak maximise and enjoy my blogwebsite .Thank you and Selamat Hari Raya semua , :-)